Anybody ever seen that SNL skit on youtube called the old prospector. Check it out, it is hilarious. Apparently, it never got aired, but it is awesome. Will Ferrell is the man. Here’s the script.
Gentleman, listen up. This is the last briefing you’ll receive before heading out at 0 500. Let’s start with role call, all right? Chandler. Shippins. Giminski. Old Prospector.
Heeerreeee.
Good. Everyone is present and accounted for. Old Prospector (yes) I never, uh, did get your full name.
Gus Chiggins
Gus, I’m sorry the last name again.
The last name is Chiggins. C – h – I – gg ins. Chiiiigins. And I thought my hearing was bad.
Eaaassssyy Gus.
Oooohhhhh Peaches.
As I was saying earlier, you’ll be disembarking at 0 500 hours. You should all be well prepared for the mission at hand. Any questions.
(If the group gets separated, where is the rendevous point?)
Ohhh, that’s easy. Top of hoot hill, just follow the dry creek bed, but be careful, there’s quicksand.
Gus! Please!
Ohhhhh Peaches.
(Capt, what can we expect in regards to firepower?)
Siggh, well, we’re looking at heavy machine guns, sam’s, shoulder rockets, nothing we can’t handle.
I’d be more worried about coyotes if I were yer.
GuS! For the last time!
Ohhh, cinnamon and gravy, bang on pots.
(Capt, Are we not an elite group that relies on stealth for our effectiveness?)
What’s your point soldier.
(I’m just afraid that with all of his pots and pans banging around, the old prospector is going to compromise us.)
Why don’t you just worry about yerself and leave the prospecting up to old Gus Chiggins. OHHH Gus what have you got yourself into?
(Sir, can I just ask, WHY we have an old prospector with us?)
GUS ChiGGINS to you!!!
Everyone relax! As I’ve said before, a 100 times before. Each unit has been signed an old prospector. Ok? Guys, this is an unconventional war, all right. End of story. We’re just gonna have to deal with it.
(Hey gus, you even know where we’re going?)
Ohhhhh pickle shoes, sure I do. We’re going to Afghanistan. (bang) old gus dosen’t know about book readin’, or how to eat in a fancy resturaunt, but he sure as heck isn’t dumb! aw heck, i’ve been called dirty, lazy, smelly, shifty, cooky, spooky, and chinese but one thing i ain’t never been called is dumb!
(I’m sorry Gus, that was a bit of a cheap shot)
Well don’t worry about Gus none. For 2 years I slept with a rattlesnake in my bed.
(You did?)
Sure I did, my first wife.. (laugh)
(What is that prospector humor?) (Capt, what’s really going on here?)
Ok, here’s the deal. Gus is really long time character actor Josh Mcadoo. It turns out that Josh has gone insane and is also a distant relative of defense secretary Donald rumsfeld. So, we’re just supposed to let him hang out.
(Dude, you’re hilarious man, hey do that line from the apple dumpling gang. (yeah, yeah) (chiding) no chiding
I can’t …..chicken, this doesn’t taste like chicken, it tastes like soup. Now fellas, fellas listen up. we’re gonna be working at night, so just follow me and my lantern. All right? And if you here me make the sound of a chipmunk, stay reallll still.
(how will we know what that sounds like)
Oh trust me Joshua, you’ll know. (chipmunk sound)
Guys, don’t look at me. Remember this is an unconvential war.
Oh, sweet Jezebel, why are you so sweet. I’ll take you down to the market and put you in my shoes. (singing) Jezebel, Jezebel, la la la la la.
Just follow him!
